I could use one of these

Worried about ghosts bothering you? What about demons possessing you? Or aliens abducting you for all sorts of strange experiments, complete with anal probes?

Well, fear no more! I’ve discovered just the thing. You need a Paranormal Restraining Order!

Feel like sinning and don’t want to be subject to the Lord’s wrath? This is just the thing! Tell the Big Guy to stay away and leave you alone!

Here are some handy guidelines that you might be in an abusive relationship with a paranormal entity and hence need a restraining order:

  • You frequently worry about how they will react to things you say or do
  • Your family and friends have warned you about them, or told you that they are concerned for your safety or emotional well being
  • You leave and then return to them repeatedly, against the advice of your friends, family, and loved ones
  • You have trouble ending the relationship, even though you know inside it’s the right thing to do

Personally, I think I’ll take one out against the Grim Reaper. Somehow, I doubt it’ll stop him when the time comes, but, hey, you never know.