Better than Talk Like a Pirate Day

I have a confession to make.

I’ve never really understood the whole pirate schtick that PZ and some other bloggers find so amusing and that the Flying Spaghetti Monster has included as an integral part of the great religion of Pastafarianism. I suppose that makes me an apostate or something like that, but I guess I just never really “got it.” And I really never got Talk Like A Pirate Day, which, it just so happens, was yesterday. I realize that I probably risk being excommunicated from the ScienceBlogs collective by admitting that, but there it is.

Oh, long ago, I tried to curry favor and fit in with the popular bloggers by occasionally posting pirate stuff even though I didn’t really quite buy into the whole deal, but now I no longer feel the need. Maybe it’s blogging self-confidence now that I’ve been around a while and established a stable readership. Maybe it’s just because I just don’t care anymore. Maybe it’s because pirates aren’t exactly nice guys and celebrating them as if being a pirate is a desirable thing just seems quite bizarre to me.

Or perhaps it’s because I’ve now found a silly day that I can really get behind, far more so than Talk Like A Pirate Day.

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Yes, I’m talking about Talk Like Jack Bauer Day.

Oh, I could have gotten behind International Talk Like George Bush Day, but then I thought about it. I detest the man so much that the humor and amusement would wear thin round about 10 AM at the latest. If you’re a 24 fan, as I am, though, you could easily use Jack Bauerisms all through the day. Just think of the fun. Every time anyone asked me to justify a decision, I could bark, “I haven’t got time to explain.”

Just like Jack Bauer.

If they persist, I could then say, “You have got to trust me on this!”

Just like Jack Bauer.

I could go around telling my secretary, “I need that information now!”

Just like Jack Bauer.

And if I don’t get my way, I can bark, “Damn it!” while shaking my head to the side, then add, “I can’t let that happen.”

Just like Jack Bauer.

See the possibilities for fun? True, it’s not the 24 Drinking Game, but because 24 is on a week night I couldn’t play that anyway unless I took the next day off.

The only question is, what day should be Talk Like Jack Bauer Day? My vote is for the date of the season premiere every year.