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Humor Religion

Holy crap! (I mean, literally, holy crap!)

The title of this one made me laugh out loud: Fossilized Feces of Jesus Wreaks Havoc, and the article itself doesn’t disappoint:

The recent discovery of a fossilized lump of human feces believed to have once emerged from the body of Jesus Christ, Son of God, has swept a whirlpool of excitement and controversy throughout the altars of the religious world. The sacred stool was unearthed last month by a construction worker during a hotel excavation project in the vicinity of Nahariya, northern Israel, and shortly thereafter flown to the Holy See where a multi-denominational consortium of primarily Christian religious leaders rapidly convened to examine it and verify its authenticity.

“When I first saw the Sacred Stool of Galilee, of course my immediate reaction was to shout ‘Heavens to Betsy!’,” a flushing Rowan Faulkner, Archbishop of Canterbury, said. “If it can be conclusively verified that the fossilized remains did in fact once belong to Christ, the Jesus Feces will become perhaps the most important sacred relic in the entire Christian world.”

The fossilized remnants were found buried nearly 40 feet deep in a submerged cave in the rocky soil of Nahariya at the future site of the Park Plaza Hotel Nahariya. Religious historians believe Jesus may have used the cave as a private sanctuary to which He could periodically withdraw from the worshipful crowds to move His bowels undisturbed during His long sojourn in Galilee. Small ancient fragments of fossilized parchment found nearby on which are inscribed the words “Uncle Herod’s Bathroom Reader”, support this supposition.

Naturally, the Holy Crap has healing powers:

“If you touch the Sacred Stool,” Thomas Taylor, a bishop of the United Methodist Church and one of the first to examine the relic, said, “you get a staph infection. But touch it again and the staph infection goes away. It’s truly miraculous.”

Read about the controversy this Sacred Stool has caused among many denominations of Christianity.

By Orac

Orac is the nom de blog of a humble surgeon/scientist who has an ego just big enough to delude himself that someone, somewhere might actually give a rodent's posterior about his copious verbal meanderings, but just barely small enough to admit to himself that few probably will. That surgeon is otherwise known as David Gorski.

That this particular surgeon has chosen his nom de blog based on a rather cranky and arrogant computer shaped like a clear box of blinking lights that he originally encountered when he became a fan of a 35 year old British SF television show whose special effects were renowned for their BBC/Doctor Who-style low budget look, but whose stories nonetheless resulted in some of the best, most innovative science fiction ever televised, should tell you nearly all that you need to know about Orac. (That, and the length of the preceding sentence.)

DISCLAIMER:: The various written meanderings here are the opinions of Orac and Orac alone, written on his own time. They should never be construed as representing the opinions of any other person or entity, especially Orac's cancer center, department of surgery, medical school, or university. Also note that Orac is nonpartisan; he is more than willing to criticize the statements of anyone, regardless of of political leanings, if that anyone advocates pseudoscience or quackery. Finally, medical commentary is not to be construed in any way as medical advice.

To contact Orac: [email protected]

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