Everybody Must Get Scanned

Given my post yesterday about how increased scanning finds more disease that may or may not ever cause problems (and, don’t worry, the promised followup post is coming, either tomorrow or Thursday), I thought it was an opportune time to post this little gem that’s been floating around medicine for a long time. I first got it back in the late 1990’s, and there are several permutations of it around, all with the same basic message:

EVERYBODY MUST GET SCANNED

(Sung to the tune of Bob Dylan’s “Everybody Must Get Stoned”)

They scan you when you fall and bump your head
They scan you when they think you might be dead
They scan you when your pupils are unequal
They scan you when you’ve been beat by ugly people
They work as fast as they can
Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when your brains are in your ear
They scan you sometimes only out of fear
They scan you when you crack up your car
They scan you for anisocoria
They do it to help their fellow man
Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when you stop your respiration
To see if you’re going to need an operation
They scan you to see what can be seen
They scan you to pay for the machine
There are better ways to get a tan
Everybody must get scanned

[HARMONICA SOLO, and continued after the fold]

They scan you when you decorticate
To see that you do not herniate
You know they scan all the old timers
To rule out Pick’s and Alzheimer’s
Alzheimer’s

Glowin’ in the dark is really grand
Everybody must get scanned

They scan you when your brain bites a bullet
They scan you for a shunt before they pull it
They scan you if you seize or have a spasm
They scan you to locate a neoplasm
It’s the biggest microwave at The Lands
Everybody must get scanned

They scan you if you take a bad fall
They scan you for no reason at all
They scan you to look inside
And do it with Metrizamide
It’s all part of the plan
Everybody must get scanned