How dogs think

I haven’t seen it summed up quite as well as here:

Dog: I am starving.

Me: Actually, no. You aren’t starving. You get two very good meals a day. And treats. And Best Beloved fed you extra food while I was gone.


Me: I saw you get fed not four hours ago! You are not starving.

Dog: Pity me, a sad and tragic creature, for I can barely walk, I am so starving. WOE.

Me: I am now ignoring you.


Dog: Did you hear me? I am starving.

Dog: Are you seriously ignoring me? Fine.

[There is a pause, during which the dog exits the room in a pointed manner.]

[From the kitchen, there comes a noise like someone is eating a baseball bat.]

My wife was gone visiting her family for almost two weeks not too long ago; so the part where the dog laments, “You left me here with only one human to look after my needs. One human is NOT ENOUGH!” struck a little close to home. So true, particularly when that one human is someone like me who’s at work 12 hours a day (although I did cut back the hours I spent at the office and lab, so as not to strain our dog’s bladder while my wife was gone).

At least my dog doesn’t get into discussions of quantum theory with me, although, alas, she has been known to behave like this. Then, of course, there is the periodic bunny carnage to be contended with.