The other day, I received something in the mail that was so horrifying, so disturbing, so utterly disconcerting that I had to go into my office and hide for a while to regain my composure. No, it wasn’t a death threat from some wacked-out antivacccinationist. Nor was it a scientific paper that was undeniable evidence that homeopathy works, water has memory, and I’ve been utterly and completely wrong about alternative medicine lo these last few year.

It was much, much worse. It was this:



I’m not 50 yet! I still have a few years to go before AARP, screening colonoscopies, and senior discounts at the movies!

Bastards. Can’t they let me enjoy the last half of my forties in peace?

Hmmm. The car insurance deals look pretty good, though…