Time for a refreshing facial of…bird poo?

Feeling stressed? Run down? Is your face not as chipper and toned as it might be? Of course you are. We all are from time to time, particularly as we journey into middle age and beyond. So what better than a bit of pampering at the spa? There’s nothing like a soothing facial to get the skin toned and the face all relaxed. But what kind of facial? What is best to get that blood flowing, those dead skin cells exfoliated, and that skin all toned and tight?

Bird poop, of course. Just check out the Ten Thousand Waves spa in New Mexico and its Japanese Nightingale Facial:

This is our signature facial. We are the exclusive importers of processed nightingale droppings, which have been used for centuries by geisha in Japan to brighten and smooth their skin. The droppings are dried, pulverized, and sanitized with ultraviolet light at the nightingale farm. We add essential oils to the powder to use as a cleanser and/or mask, formulated for your skin type.

That’s just what I want, bird poop slathered all over my face! And what a bargain, too! It’s only $115 for the basic facial and $159 for the “deluxe custom facial.” After all, if it’s good enough for Victoria Beckham, it’s good enough for you, isn’t it? It’s also offered in New York, too.

Personally, I like this supposed explanation for why nightingale poo is supposed to do such wonders for your face:

Uguisu no Fun’s main effect – that being bleaching and exfoliating the skin – is a result of Guanine, a naturally occurring enzyme found in nightingale droppings.

This explanation is repeated here.

Uh, no. Guanine is not an enzyme. It is one of the nitrogenous bases found in the nucleic acids RNA and DNA.

Of course, this whole nightingale poop facial thing makes me wonder. Why nightingale poo? Why not pidgeon poo? Surely that’s much cheaper. Or does pidgeon poo not contain guanine? Inquiring minds want to know!

In the meantime, I think I’ll pass. Paying over $100 to have someone smear bird poop on my face just doesn’t seem like a particularly good use of my funds, even though Oprah seems to think it would be.