Your Friday Dose of Woo: Jesus and the triple threat

Every so often someone shows me something that so amuses me that I either must have one or must blog about it. This time around, it was my wife. Last weekend, we were reading the newspapers. On the weekend, we happen to get the New York Times as well as our local newspaper. There, ensconsed in the USA Weekend advertisement section stuffed into the local newspaper, I saw it. I saw it, and I had to have it.

Well, not really. But I had to blog about it anyway.

Ask yourself: When you’re in pain, what do you need? Is it enough just to have the power of magnet woo to heal you? Of course not! You need the triple threat, especially if that triple threat includes the healing power of Jesus. And there’s only one product out there that can provide the triple threat, triple punch, religiously woo-tastic body blow to your pain that we all need and want. Are you ready?

Are you ready for the Copper Magnetic Therapy Jesus Bracelet? After all, it has the soothing power of copper, the penetrating power of magnets, and the healing power of Jesus, all rolled up into a single bracelet! Check it out:

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COMBINES THE MOST POWERFUL FORCES OF HEAVEN AND EARTH

Do you believe? Wear this solid COPPER MAGNETIC THERAPY JESUS BRACELET for the most powerful healing and comfort you’ve ever experienced! COPPER has been relied on for centuries to ease the pain of arthritis. MAGNETS are used therapeutically to ease muscle pain, tendonitis, bursitis, back pain, poor circulation and more. And faith in the miracles of JESUS can not only protect you from physical pain, but soothe your soul in times of stress! Fully adjustable to fit most wrists.

I love that last part. After all, what good is the healing power of Jesus if it doesn’t fit your wrist?

I did have one question, though. Copper is not magnetic. So how is it that this wonder bracelet has, in addition to the aforementioned healing power of Jesus that derives from stamping Jesus’ name on the bracelet, magnetic powers as well? Is it Jesus exercising His power? Or did the manufacturer slip some iron in there? Inquiring minds want to know!

Another question: Shouldn’t the healing power of Jesus enough? Doesn’t the healing power of Jesus render whatever woo-tastic wonder of magnetic copper healing imbued in the bracelet rather superfluous? You’d think so. Or, at least, I’d think so. But apparently I’m wrong.

Jesus needs magnets and copper to heal you. Truly, the Lord works in mysterious ways. All for $9.97. What a bargain!

Or maybe Jesus isn’t your thing. No problem! The appropriately named Dream Products, Inc. Catalog can fix you up with an acupressure ring with magnets (of course!) or a genuine stone acupressure ring with magnets, an astrology pendant, magnetic therapy ankle bracelets, or even a mystical pentacle charged with “unseen” magical and spiritual power (no doubt the “unseen” is the most accurate word there).

Truly, if you want woo, you’ve got woo.