Why is Ozzy Osbourne still alive?

Ozzy Osbourne is, like many rock stars of his advancing age, an amazing creature. Having subjected his body to abuse beyond the ability of most normal people to understand in terms of booze, drugs, and crazy living on the road, like the Energizer Bunny he just keeps going and going and going along. Naturally, given that, against all probability, Ozzy has somehow managed to make it past 60, scientists wonder why he is still alive.

Now some scientists want to find out; they plan on sequencing Ozzy’s genome.

Next up, Keith Richards!

The problem I see with this is that we don’t necessarily have any controls, namely rock stars who abused themselves but didn’t survive. Be that as it may, I was amused by this part of the story:

The 61-year-old former Black Sabbath lead singer — who this week begins his health advice column in The Sunday Times Magazine — is to become one of only a few people in the world to have his full genome sequenced.

[…]

Osbourne’s advice in his medical column starts with suggestions to a mother for putting her young son off cigarettes, including: “Throw some fag ash on his cornflakes.”

Because Ozzy is exactly the sort of person I want to get my health advice from. When I first saw this headline I thought I was reading The Onion. I really was. But apparently it’s true, at least the part about Ozzy writing a health column.