Your Friday Dose of Woo: Living water living free

A couple of days ago, I expressed my amusement at an e-mail sent to me by someone named “Carol.” The amusement came primarily from the subject matter in the e-mail, which described something called a “biophoton ionizer,” whatever that is. Knowing, as I do, how prevalent water woo is (after all, what is homeopathy but the grand daddy of all water woo?), I was naturally curious about what the heck a “biophoton ionizer” is. After all, what’s the difference between a regular photon and a “biophoton”? What is the characteristic of the photon that makes it “bio,” if you know what I mean. I was sure that there was some absolutely fantastic woo to be found, so much so that I decided that it was time for a new installment of Your Friday Dose of Woo, even after its relatively long hiatus. Besides, not much was going on at the anti-vaccine front, so much so that Age of Autism had been very quiet over the previous several days. Indeed, the merry band of anti-vaccinationists over at AoA have been so quiet lately that it’s eerie.

Besides, we’re entering the dog days of summer. Where I am, at least, it’s hot, humid, and things are relatively slow. A break is clearly called for, and there’s nothing that provides an amusing break from the boredom of one’s daily existence than a bit of woo. So I mosied on over to the first site that I found that dealt with biophoton ionizers and checked it out. I was not disappointed. First, let’s check out Photonic Water Systems. I love this part in particular, which happens to be right on the front page of the website:

After hundreds of years spent studying the nature of matter, physicists can now demonstrate that everything in our world is made of molecules that are made of atoms that are made of subatomic bits of energy endlessly vibrating at different frequencies. These units of energy carry information. That information interacts with the information of our cells in either beneficial or damaging ways.

We now know that the photonic energy carried by Nature’s original, living water is far more important than the particulates it may contain. In fact, revitalizing water to its creative state not only inactivates harmful pathogens and chemicals, it does so by removing the memory they leave behind.

Photon energy is light energy, and when the frequency of light is present, life is enhanced and optimized. We are re-entering the era of light because we’re now able to detect, understand and photograph what has been there for us all along.

Ah, water woo! There’s little that matches it in terms of pure refreshment. Let’s see what they appear to be saying here. Scientists have figured out that everything is made of molecules, which are made of atoms, which vibrate at different frequencies. Cool! But it’s obviously more than that. These little atoms carry information, you see! Yeah, that’s the ticket. It’s even more than that. The information makes the water living, even though it’s not, at least not really. But we woo-meisters say it’s living because it sounds so much cooler to imagine the water as being more than simply two hydrogen atoms bound to an oxygen atom. You know, I think the purveyors of Biophotonic Water (or whatever) are confusing the fact that water is essential to life with imbuing the water itself with life. This video tells the tale:

I like how this video appears to be called “Insights.” Viewing it, I wondered if it would be better referred to as “Deep Thoughts” sans Jack Handey. In any case, in the video a guy named Adam Abraham begins the video by informing us that “the majority of the water” we drink “has very little life in it.” He then informs us that water is a “living substance.” He even claims that it’s not the “inert liquid stuff” that we’ve supposedly grown used to seeing. I’m not even sure what that means, but let’s go with it for a minute, particularly the bit about water “rebelling.” I wonder if water ever “rebels” against homeopaths who sprad misinformation about what it does in the form of claiming that it has “memory” that it doesn’t.

So, if our water is crap, what is the solution? Apparently something called “structured water.” According to Adams, structured water is “loving” water that has life in it, that has “biophotons” in it. Apparently, biophotons are “living light.” Now, I don’t know about you, but I normally don’t hear the term “living light” outside of various evangelical churches. “Living light” is the sort of thing that Jesus is supposed to bring us, or at least so I’ve been taught. Apparently I was wrong, though, because somehow water can bring living light to us as well in the form of biophotons. But what are biophotons? Clayton Nolte, George Clark, and Adam Abraham are more than happy to tell us. They describe biophotons thusly:

Biophotons are tiny emissions of light that are produced and utilized by all living things. When we eat a green plant, for example, we ingest the biophotons created with the Sun’s energy, used and stored by the plant as it grew to maturity. We, in turn, store these biophotons in the DNA of our cells, to be utilized to orchestrate the 100,000 chemical reactions that take place in each of our sixty trillion cells every second. Biophotons communicate with all of the cells in our bodies instantaneously, at the speed of light, in a synchronous wave of energy that creates a perfect harmony.¹

I thought the reference at the end was a nice touch of woo. It made it seem as though there was actual…science there! Then I looked up the reference:

The Field, by Lynne McTaggart

Lynne McTaggart? Oh, dear. McTaggart is a person who believes our thoughts can heal the world and runs a website telling us as much. That website is in and of itself a suitable target for YFDoW, but that would require a whole new post and would distract me from the fine water woo that we have right here right now. After all, what’s all this “living water,” anyway? We need something to actually do with it, and there again the Woo-meisters Three don’t disappoint:

Life’s information carrier, water, retains a memory of everything it has been exposed to and every place it has been. Those memories are released naturally through the full hydrological cycle, which begins when water evaporates from the oceans and forests, spiraling upward to form clouds. When it returns as rain, some of the water is retained by vegetation, some swirls and vortexes down streams and rivers, most of it sinks into groundwater aquifers, where it acquires the electromagnetic negative charge of the Earth. The heat of the Earth’s interior vaporizes the water and it again begins to rise.

The deep roots of mature trees pull up the negatively charged water together with its complement of dissolved minerals and trace elements to feed the trees. Eventually the “trees act as biocondensers, harmonizing the positive energy from the Sun with the negative energy of the Earth. As a result, the evapo-transpiration from the leaves of the trees is a balanced, creative energy.”

Let’s see. If water retains the memory of everything to which it’s been exposed and every place it’s been, does it retain the memory of all the piss and poo that’s been in it? Does it retain the memory of all the chemicals it’s been in contact with? Does it retain the memory of all the decomposing matter it’s been in contact with? How many creatures die in the water and decompose there? It’s the same problem as homeopathy, in which homeopaths somehow ascribe a mystical ability of water to remember only the good bits and forget all the nasty bits it’s been in contact with. In fact, if you believe this website, biophotonic water is nothing short of magical:

• Essential nutrients become more bioavailable to humans, animals and plants with an increase in oxygen and hydration
• It neutralizes harmful bacteria, pollutants and toxins
• Less soap or detergent is needed when washing hair or laundry
• It removes existing calcium and aragonite deposits to produce spotless dishes and car washes
• It prevents and removes corrosion, increasing the life span of pipes, hot water heaters, dishwashers, swamp coolers, ice makers, and other appliances
• It improves aerobic bacterial activity in all septic and sewage systems with the addition of oxygen
• It removes the need for periodically acid-washing a swimming pool

I particularly like the bit about how biophotonic water supposedly “improves aerobic bacterial activity in all septic and sewage systems with the addition of oxygen.” Well, duh! Add oxygen, and of course the activity of aerobic bacteria will increase! You don’t need to run your water through your woo-device to accomplish this, but it shure does sound cooler to say it does. It’s also much better for profits to tell people that you need your device in order to infuse your water with all this “energy.”

Users of this device, not surprisingly, eat this woo up and fall into the favored quack concept that somehow “acid” is responsible for all disease and “alkaline” water will cure disease:

At one time, drinking high alkaline water sounded like a viable way to raise the overall pH of the body. This was especially important when I learned that the vast majority of chronic and acute disease pathologies are accompanied by an inner ecological imbalance that is biased to the side of acidity. Interesting that most allopathic treatment methods and protocols bias the body toward acidity, as they rely on blockers, inhibitors, suppressors, and synthetic chemicals, which have no instructional corollaries in the human DNA. In addition, the intention behind these products influences the cells’ interpretation. The body naturally will take what it needs of any informational signatures in the water, to sustain life, or the individual’s perception of what is possible and probable for that individual. In other words, we are very important influencing factors as to what works in the body (or not), and how it works (or not). This factor is rarely taken seriously, if ever, in most discussions about healing because we’re not yet clear on why we might create and maintain our diseases, and most people don’t even want to hear it.

Ah, nothing like a bit of acid-base alkaline woo to tart up your water woo. In fact, the entire paragraph above is little other than science-y sounding word salad in which water is imbued with “informational signatures” where the author appears to have no clue what the term even means. It’s even more than that, though. Not only is water supposedly alive, but it’s intelligent, too.

Because that’s just what I want: Intelligent water. One wonders if the water will be pissed off if it’s drunk and then peed out.

Of course, Biophotonic Water Systems isn’t the only biophotonic water woo out there. There’s competition. There’s always competition. For example, if you want to distinguish yourself and emphasize that your water is living, then name your device LLiving Water:

Specially tuned geometry creates an energy environment for water to structure itself. This gives water a lower surface tension and better hydrating properties. This geometric technology breaks up large low energy water molecule clusters into smaller high energy clusters. This innovative technology eliminates negative energy patterns (sometimes called the memory of water) and redefines the water’s natural healthy energy pattern. Structured water allows us to imprint through the DNA and RNA the knowledge of its secret blueprint and help one to become balanced in the universe.

Now, they’re talking! I want my water’s negative energy patterns removed…Hold on! Wait a minute! Don’t homeopaths go to great lengths to make sure that the water’s memory is activated, that it “remembers” the remedies the homeopaths want it to remember? Isn’t that the whole reason they give for all the succussion steps between each serial dilution? Supposedly vigorously shaking somehow “potentizes” the water, imbuing it with the memory of whatever remedy it’s been in contact with, or so homeopaths tell us.

The passage above does suggest an experiment to me, though. Can the Living Water, when applied to a homeopathic remedy, erase the memory of water? Whose woo will be stronger, that of the homeopaths or that of the purveyors of “structured water” woo? I proposed a randomized, double-blind clinical trial of a homeopathic remedy versus plain water (I know, I know, it’s redundant) versus the same homeopathic remedy treated with the Living Water woo machine. Which one will the homeopathic remedy treated with the Living Water woo machine most resemble? Whose woo will reign supreme, that of the homeopaths or that of the water woo machine?

Inquiring minds want to know!