A trifecta of naturopathic woo

Yesterday, I wrote a rather lengthy post about germ theory denialism. As I put it, yes, there really are people who don’t accept the germ theory of disease. As part of my Orac-ian length discussion (well over 4,000 words), I had a bit of fun with a video done by a hapless (is there any other kind?) naturopath named “Dr. Shawn.” Our new buddy Dr. Shawn laid down a heapin’ helpin’ of napalm-grade burning stupid in the form of only the finest germ theory denialism coupled with some truly brain dead analogies, not to mention a whole lot of hating on swamps. Last night, exhausted by an even longer than usual post, I felt like slumming a bit more with Dr. Shawn; so I decided to check out a bit of the rest of his website, which is the website of the Whole Body Healing Center of Lewisville. After all, Dr. Shawn is a naturopath, and naturopathy is nothing but a one stop shop for all things woo. Consistent with the nature (if you’ll excuse the term) of naturopathy, Dr. Shawn’s website is, as we say in the skeptic biz, a “target-rich environment” indeed.

As I mentioned in my previous post, Dr. Shawn offers the infamous detox foot bath. As I’ve described before, detox foot baths are pure nonsense; the water changes color regardless of whether you put your feet in it or not because of electrolysis, not because the bath is doing anything to suck toxins out of your body through the soles of your feet. I have a basic rule of thumb when it comes to “alt-med” practices in which I divide them into two groups: a group that offer the detox foot bath and a group that don’t. If there’s a single accurate indicator of pure quackery, in my not-so-humble opinion, it’s when a practice actually charges money for detox foot baths. When I broaden my criteria, another such criterion is selling and promoting homeopathy.

Uh, oh. Sorry, Dr. Shawn:

At the Whole Body Healing Center, we specialize in homeopathic remedies, herbal and nutritional supplements, and wellness programs. Each client has a tailor-made, specialized wellness program that is completely holistic.

Yep. Shawn’s into homeopathy:

Let our Naturopath make you a specific homeopathic remedy. Shawn, our Naturopath, has health and wellness visits for $45.00. This appointment will be a 20 minute visit. He will do a quick scan to customize a remedy for you. Try something natural before you go medical. Give us a call today and schedule an appointment.

So what else does that leave. As I said before, if there’s one thing that screams quackery to me, it’s detox foot baths. If there are two things that scream quackery to me, they would be detox foot baths and homeopathy. If there are three things that scream quackery to me, they would be detox footbaths, homeopathy, and…the Quantum QXCI/SCIO. Oh, yes, I’m talking about that Quantum QXCI/SCIO machine, a woo machine supreme created by the exceedingly flamboyand quack supreme, Bill Nelson, the one quack I’ve ever seen who explains his woo with epic song and dance routines. Get a load of what Dr. Shawn’s practice claims that the QXCI/SCIO can do:

The body scan is a device that scans the body energetically. By that I mean it is reading the body’s meridian system that was developed many years ago by Chinese acupuncturist. Acupuncture is the most accurate medical science in the world. It has been around for over 5000 years.

The quantum is taking today’s technology and combining it with the science of acupuncture.

Too hilarious, particularly since this particular woo machine looks very much like a hyped up Scientology E-meter. Don’t believe me? Just look at this brochure. There’s an electric box with various inputs. My first thought upon looking at this machine was: Serial ports? That’s so…1990s. Come on. It’s all USB now. But, hey, what do I know. If you believe the brochure, you’ll believe that this rather cheap looking box of whatever electronics can be thrown together after a visit to Radio Shack will diagnose the following within five minutes:

  • Food Sensitivities
  • Nutritional Deficiencies
  • Spinal / Cranial Sacral
  • Dental / TMJ
  • Adrenal Function
  • Environmental Factors-utilizes a complete Three Dimensional Loop
  • Hormone Levels.
  • Mental Energy
  • Organ Function
  • Hydration / Oxygenation
  • Acid / Alkaline Balance
  • Toxicities – exposure to excess chemicals, heavy metals / mercury
  • Trauma (damage) – includes physical, psychological, emotional, spiritual
  • Pathogens – bacteria, fungi, viruses, parasites
  • Homeopathic Therapy
  • Allergy Testing & Desensitization
  • Meridian Therapy / Electro-Acupuncture
  • Chakra Balancing
  • Weight Loss Therapy
  • Risk Profile Analysis
  • Anti-Aging Therapy
  • Emotional Release
  • Auto-Frequency Therapy
  • Color Therapy
  • Electrodermal Screening

I’m surprised they didn’t throw in curing cancer. Of course, Bill Nelson did, but maybe Dr. Shawn has a bit more restraint than that.

But the QXCI/SCIO is so much more than just a fantastic diagnostic machine. It does so much more, if you believe Dr. Shawn. But how, you ask, does this fantastic machine work? How do you think? How do nearly all woo machines work? How do you think? How does nearly every woo machine work? We’re talking quantum, baby:

As the SCIO has been devised using the principles of Quantum Physics, that question is easier asked than answered. Basically, during treatment, the SCIO measures the body’s resonance/reactance pattern and determines what benefit has occurred in the time period since the last measurement (less than a second earlier). If there has not been an improvement, the input resonance is altered. It maintains each beneficial setting as long as it is helping and changes it as soon as it is no longer useful.

Somehow that’s not what I learned about quantum theory during college. In fact, it’s not what anyone who’s learned about quatnum theory during college has learned. Of course, the answer to everything is quantum, as many naturopaths will tell you. You don’t have to understand what quantum means, nor do you have to have the slightest understanding of quantum theory. Just throw the word “quantum” around, and the marks will believe you.

Perusing Dr. Shawn’s website, I get the distinct feeling that I’m in the wrong business. After all, here I am, with no control over what is collected for my patient care services, with Medicare and third party payors constantly trying to ratchet down what they pay physicians and surgeons for their services. Then I see Dr. Shawn, with a price list like this one for his naturopathic packages or this one for the various products offered by his practice. Just check out the Gold Detox Package:

  • 1 Office visit with Shawn
  • 1 Heart Screening with DPA
  • 1 Complete body scan with Shawn
  • 1 Complete 21-detox program
  • 6 Detox Therapies your choice
  • 1 Complete Thermography Screening for Breast Health
  • Pay Online and Save almost 10% ($860.00)

Talk about righteous bucks for very little work. Of course, Dr. Shawn also charges $150 per hour for a telephone consultation. How much can I charge for a telephone consultation? Nothing. Who says woo doesn’t pay?

But what else does Dr. Shawn offer? Well, as Kim Wombles points out, he also claims that his QXCI/SCIO can treat autistic children. Of course. It also apparently “diagnoses vaccine injury” as well.

Still not convinced of the power of Dr. Shawn’s woo? Do you still doubt just how deep he’s willing to delve into detox foot baths, homepathy, and Quantum SCIO silliness? Doubt no further, because you will find solid evidence on many of the pages of Dr. Shawn’s website that should erase all doubts:

Information on this web site is not intended to replace any medical treatment prescribed by your physician. For those with chronic medical problems or taking a regularly prescribed medication, please consult your physician.

Yes, indeed. It’s the Quack Miranda.

And I haven’t even mentioned Dr. Shawn’s partner, Gary Tunsky, yet. He’s a naturopath too and could easily be the topic of his very own post. I’m too tired to take it on now.