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I love it when you call me Big Pharma

Finally, I think I’ve found this blog’s theme song:

As I’ve asked so many times before: Dammit! Where’s all that filthy big pharma lucre I’ve been told by quacks, cranks, and antivaccinationists that I’m getting for toeing the big pharma line? After all, if I’m going to work so hard as a pharma shill, I gots ta get paid, yo. Come on, I still want to live the dream of sitting back in my sweatpants and sweatshirt behind a massive computer screen, pouring out anti-CAM screeds, and then waiting for all that cash money to roll in as I serve my corporate masters! Lord Draconis Zeneca knows.

Wait? You mean it’s not like that?

By Orac

Orac is the nom de blog of a humble surgeon/scientist who has an ego just big enough to delude himself that someone, somewhere might actually give a rodent's posterior about his copious verbal meanderings, but just barely small enough to admit to himself that few probably will. That surgeon is otherwise known as David Gorski.

That this particular surgeon has chosen his nom de blog based on a rather cranky and arrogant computer shaped like a clear box of blinking lights that he originally encountered when he became a fan of a 35 year old British SF television show whose special effects were renowned for their BBC/Doctor Who-style low budget look, but whose stories nonetheless resulted in some of the best, most innovative science fiction ever televised, should tell you nearly all that you need to know about Orac. (That, and the length of the preceding sentence.)

DISCLAIMER:: The various written meanderings here are the opinions of Orac and Orac alone, written on his own time. They should never be construed as representing the opinions of any other person or entity, especially Orac's cancer center, department of surgery, medical school, or university. Also note that Orac is nonpartisan; he is more than willing to criticize the statements of anyone, regardless of of political leanings, if that anyone advocates pseudoscience or quackery. Finally, medical commentary is not to be construed in any way as medical advice.

To contact Orac: [email protected]

27 replies on “I love it when you call me Big Pharma”

Sorry, dude. 2011 was a year of layoffs at nearly every Big Pharma everywhere, especially in R&D. They had to pay out quite a bit in severance and early retirement packages. I shall treasure my collection of Phase II Milestone coffee mugs, for sure they are heirlooms. Sweet baby Jesus, they are probably worth more than my 401k now…

WuXi is doing well though, and it’s my understanding that they have virtually no enforcement when it comes to anti-bribery laws/ethics violations in China. How’s your Mandarin?

In order to qualify for your Big Pharma Shill reimbursement (BPSR), please fill out form XDFR555291b and sent it to the American branch of the New World Order (Inc.). Your application will be reviewed at the next anti-CAM subcommittee meeting.

@ Orac:

Please don’t shoot me I’m only the messenger…

there have been hints that his Lordship wants to phase out cash entirely as it encourages independence amongst the shills and minions and then there is the whole Dollar/ Pound/ Euro squabble we love so much. Instead, we shall be paid in real estate, interest in corporations, cars, and luxury goods. That should simplify things!

I don’t understand how the reptilian brain operates.

Sincerely, DW

@ DW: His Lordship should not worry about currency fluctuations…I’ll be filling in my Big Pharma Shill Reimbursement (BPSR) in quadruplicate. I’ll be requesting my ill-gotten gains in Proof Kruggerrands.

Felicitations to “you know who” and dear Baron and Baroness Rothschild.

“Where’s all that filthy big pharma lucre I’ve been promised?”

You’ll find it in the glove box of one of those flying cars we were all promised way back when, and will also be accompanied by a $20 million deposit into your bank account from a Nigerian prince.

(I want to be rich too!)

I am a well paid shill for a modern pharmaceutical;
I advertise subliminal and shout out claims at maximal.

I’ve agonist salbutamol, I’ve inhibitory tylenol;
I’d sell a pricey chemical to grandmas wrought from sidewalk falls.

My modern moral compass call is very mathematical;
I make more money moving drugs than anything that’s natural.

There doesn’t seem to be a lot of pharma cope here…!

I can’t see the video from work. Is it, by any chance, based on the old Joan Armatrading song, “(I Love It When You) Call Me Names”? That’s a classic and ripe for use in a parody.

That’s why I stick to working for Big Agriculture. When they’re short on cash, you get produce and if you’re really good, bacon.

@Big Blue #1:

WuXi is doing well though, and it’s my understanding that they have virtually no enforcement when it comes to anti-bribery laws/ethics violations in China. How’s your Mandarin?

She’s doing just fine, thank you, and sends her best wishes.

@Tom Herling #5:

You’ll find it in the glove box of one of those flying cars we were all promised way back when, and will also be accompanied by a $20 million deposit into your bank account from a Nigerian prince.

Don’t talk to me about flying cars. Mine’s stuck in a parking orbit and the monkey butler’s jetpack just doesn’t have the range to reach it.

Lord Draconis? I wonder if Edwin Costello ever met him before his escape? Big pharma sucks. The so called 99% protestors claim to be all about protesting busninesses and profits. Seems like they left out big pharma altogether. Big pharma constitutes as a major player in big profits. So does GE. I guess it’s only the non unionized that get protested though. That is weird and backwards. They should be protesting labor unions for driving up the cost of everything. The only good news that has come about in days is the news about congress ending subsidies for ethanol production. That is a good thing. Corn is for food, not for gasoline. When put into gasoline it harms your engine, gets you LESS fuel mielage, burns dirtier (where are the global warming nuts?) and attracks moisture which leads to component rust and failure. It is the worst idea in a long time. Some senator must have had a huge stock investment in corn when he signed onto this scam. Now that the subsidies have ended, maybe the production of ethanol will end as well and we can have real gasoline again. I am tired of buying ethanol gasoline treatment. The only thing ethanol is good for is for starting campfires and pouring down the throats of those who mandated its use in gasoline.

MESSAGE BEGINS———————

Shills and Minions, this is most excellent work! DWDL8, particularly marvelous plan of yours to make it seem that we are at the mercy of the vagaries of your primitive boom and bust financial cycles. Marvelous. Our lackeys in the board rooms in New Jersey are bleating like sad little phthtaaks with their acid bladders slashed. Little will the monkeys know that we have never given out cash, just luxurious, lavish PharmaLucre™. You’re soaking in it (see, the old lizard is in the know with your human “humor”).

rw23, so glad you’re enjoying the monkey butler, aren’t they a joy? Well, cleaning up after them requires a monkey maid, and really it’s an endless chain unitl you get to a species that is less enchanted with hurling it’s waste products about. And speaking of waste products, where are all your little friends from the antivax movement? I miss them already. It’s so quiet around here without them.

In any case, return to your relentless evildoing my minions. We’ve a planet to subjugate and you all have to submit your car request forms for this year to Cindy by the 15th of the month or you’ll have to make do with last year’s Porsche.

Lord Draconis Zeneca, VH7ihL
001110

Foreward Mavoon of the Great Fleet, Monkey Master of Mars, Pharmaca Magna of Terra

Glaxxon PharmaCOM Orbital

————————MESSAGE ENDS

I’ve agonist salbutamol, I’ve inhibitory tylenol;
I’d sell a pricey chemical to grandmas wrought from sidewalk falls.

I knew Brautigan would catch on in Turkey someday.

@ Lord Draconis: I’ve put in my request for my new Porsche..fire engine red. Just put the Proof Krugerrands…which is not cash, in the glove compartment.

Felicitations to “you know who” and precious dear Baron and Baroness Rothschild.

MESSAGE BEGINS———————

Shills and Minions,

A brief bit of interspecies levity brought on by sharing this charming video with the Kthrxxxxx Hive Queen at our weekly poker game. Although she is a fierce warrior she’s also known for having quite a “funny carapace” so, of course, she was quite taken with the clip and showed it to some of her youngsters at the Demipentium’s base below the Denver Airport. She has informed me that her eldest, Bthrmmzz*k is producing a parody called “I love it when you call me big pupa.” Kids say the darndest things . . .

Lord Draconis Zeneca, VH7ihL
001110

Foreward Mavoon of the Great Fleet, Monkey Master of Mars, Pharmaca Magna of Terra

Glaxxon PharmaCOM Orbital

————————MESSAGE ENDS

@Lord Draconis:

Oh the euphoria to learn that my primitive communication has reached your illustrious gilded antennae! Please convey to Her Highness my wishes for a most joyous and uneventful chrysalis formation for young Bthrmmzz*k (or Krzymaaaatakth, as our family fondly nicknamed him as a larva)!

Your loyal minion,
Zed Dogg

@ ZDoggMD: That’s an adorable ZDogg pup, featured in your video.

I’m so glad that the young ones are being trained in the art of Pharma Shill…to carry on “our work” and to live in style funded by the Big Pharma filthy lucre.

@lilady Thank you for your praise—there is at least a 78% chance that ZPupp is genetically mine so I am pleased. Praise be to the modestly soiled lucre; it supports my 1% lifestyle (overaged Pinot Grigio from Fresno…fine pelican-liver pate from Anchorage) and should surely fund ZPupp’s matriculation at the world-renowned Academy of Pharma Shillery and Paralegal Studies. Continue to carry on with the cause!

@ ZDoggMD: My preference for sipping is *Remy Martin Cognac Louis XIII Grande. My pup is a bit older (41), education and wedding paid for and she is employed in Big Finance.

Pelican pate? too fishy for my tastes.

* I actually bought this cognac in 1966 in St. Thomas. I paid ~ $200…when $200 was big money. Its long since gone, but I just may treat myself when the filthy lucre arrives.

@lillady congratulations on the full pupation and metamorphosis of your larva! Regarding the predilection for cognac, I do believe it was the original Pharma Shill “Dr.” Dre who spake thusly: “Gimme the Chronic, the Remy Martin, and my soda pop.” Enough said, I believe.

The Big Pharma video is right on the money. It highlights one of the worst aspects of US health care and pulls no punches. As the late, great Gatewood Galbraith said, “Every generation must re-win its own freedom”. This includes the freedom to have knowledge of natural medications, which everyone knew about 100 years ago. Big Pharma would like to make you think that they are the only source of medication. Big Pharma has purchased legislation for decades that enforce its monopoly on medicines. Our great grandparents knew how to treat many common ailments without a visit to the doctor. This knowledge must be brought back into the light.

Mr. Risser, you don’t seem to be able to recognize satire.

A hundred years ago the “natural medications” everyone knew about a century ago often contained arsenic and mercury.

Kurt Risser: you DO realize that the video is a parody, a spoof, a satire, a joke making fun of people like you? You walked right into it.

It was written and performed by a real doctor:

http://zdoggmd.com/about-us/

And Big Pharma makes a fortune selling you natural and herbal remedies too, by the way.

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